Tangents and streams of conciousness

I'm back in Boston! Real life with actual meaning and you know goals and to do lists can once again commence! Yet the month of September is the most intimidating month ever, and I want to cry just looking at it.

Yet I am tooling around my apartment and putting off LSAT homework, so it's kind of like nothing has changed at all. I should be going to my storage unit and unloading it, but driving in Boston gives me anxiety. So instead of being productive, I'm sitting in my room having panic attacks and watching them board up our beach volleyball court which resembled a murky lagoon thanks to the rain. Actually I'm pretty sure there were new organisms growing there. (Has anyone else ever had to read the word organism aloud and been tempted to read orgasm? Because that was my greatest fear all throughout science class...No? Okay forget I mentioned it.)

Whilst in Savannah, GA I got sunburned for the third time of my life. Oh it is the most glorious sunburn that puts an end to all sunburns. It actually sometimes throbs. I stupidly assumed that being as dark as I am, that one coat of sunscreen was enough...and then I ended up pointing out how red my not-so-tan-aka-white(is that PC?!) friends were at the end of the day.

Karma apparently bit me in the ass. Because the next day, everyone was fine but me. My left shoulder resembles charred BBQ...it's quite attractive; unfortunately not scratch and sniff. I also had to spend part of the day in the airport with my giant backpack...despite the fact that even my bra strap and hair touching my shoulder made me wince and cry.

So my sunburn made me think of LIFE, as well as the day Kelly exploded. We get sunburned because we're stupid. It happens when we don't take precautions and use SPF 8 and NEVER REAPPLY. We peel and then we grow more skin, and thus the cycle repeats itself. The circle of life! Or well the circle of third party nearly self inflicted pain?

Okay maybe smart people/people who know what's good for them and don't follow this pattern, but I refuse to acknowledge them because then I get the jealousies. But seriously I always think that sunburn won't happen to me, because I take my melanin content for granted... The same way I think that I won't get hurt because I take my having no soul for granted; but before I know it I grow a soul, let someone in, don't apply SPF100 as need be, and then ALL MY SKIN PEELS OFF AND MY SHOULDER RESEMBLES A RAW STEAK, and then we get hurt. So I think the trick is to either:
1. stay inside and be a hermit
2. find spf1000 and reapply every 2 minutes...

I mean it's better to go out and frolic (wait frolic doesn't have a K!? revelation!) underneath that ball of heat than be a dumpy hermit.

This was a little more depressing than I intended. Actually I didn't intend on it to be depressing at all. Whoops. Here's something optimistic: I now own dinosaur silly bandz!

Lalala being neurotic

I never learn from my mistakes. I wonder if it's something I can attribute to being a Leo (whoohoo birthday month!), or if it's a mix of my own inherent stubbornness/stupidity/optimism. That's a weird mix of things to be grouped together,but I can't decide which is the overarching factor in my behavior.

For one I know I have an obsessive personality. Which is why I can't buy things at Costco and not waste money and why teriyaki chicken grosses me out. I used to make my dad buy boxes of these teriyaki skewers when I was little, I would refuse to eat anything else for months. OH MY GOD I'M PROBABLY GOING TO GET DIABETES FROM IT. Also I'm not allowed to have nice things...but that's different!

Actually from what I've absorbed in Drugs and Society, I most likely have an addictive personality. So if I try cocaine or heroin, I'm fucking screwed. Guess I won't be snorting lines off hookers anytime soon, or well ever actually...Disappointment!

There was the time I ended up in the ER due to drinking far too much alcohol. Did I learn from said mistake? No I went out the following night and got plastered. Hello alcoholism! But I attribute that to my trifecta of what I chalk up all my mistakes to: optimism(it'll be different this time), stubbornness(I'm right they're wrong obviously) and stupidity(whatever I do what I want!).

I like to think that it's my optimism and naivete that result into repeating all the same mistakes, because that's much easier to accept and admit than sheer stupidity. Hence what happened this week. I recognized that history was repeating itself, and that the same things were being said, but I assumed that it would be different, THIS TIME. This wasn't my belief in redemption going through, nor was it that lame there'sgoodineveryone crap.

It's due to me being stubborn and going against what everyone told me to do, INCLUDING MYSELF. Because I was so goddamn curious on what the outcome would be, yet I had an inkling on what it was.

Oh and I absolutely refuse to go and see Eat, Pray, Love; because I hate Elizabeth Gilbert and think the premise of a well off white woman eating carbs for the first time in her life is stupid.

4 am

So I just self diagnosed myself with ADHD based on the episode "Starry Night" from Modern Family. That's not normal is it?

Also being up at 5 am probably isn't normal, but I had a grande iced white mocha to stay awake during LSAT class and I'm pretty sure they sprinkled my drink with cocaine to keep me awake at this ungodly hour.

that one time i lived in rome

Last summer I lived in Rome for 6 weeks; this summer I'm stuck at home and taking an LSAT class. First I wonder what I did wrong in a past life, to go from the most amazing summer ever to one where I sit in a class for 4.5 hours twice a week and cry look over logic games.

My roommate met me at the airport with a steak burrito (she's the best I swear!) in tow and asked me "Do you feel different?". I promptly responded and told her "Of course I do. My liver hurts like a bitch..." But I'm pretty sure that's not the answer she was looking for; then again if my liver ever put me out of commission she loses her favorite alcoholic. (Disregarding the trip to the emergency room...whoops)

Rome was amazing, the people were fanfuckingtastic, and despite eating my weight in gelato, pizza and pasta, I lost weight. It was a win-win situation, even if you factor in "sweating your taint off", but I think (thanks Google) only men have that. I think the only things I don't miss are sweating and the fear of being gypsie'd (I made my own verb! Suck it Rachael Ray).

Nothing really big happened in Rome. There weren't any moments that shook me to the core. No big spectacular earth shattering thing. But the experience was unforgettable. It's funny that I can't pinpoint one single event in Rome that was particularly phenomenal, but when I combine everything; it resulted in something bigger than anything I've ever experienced. But that could be attributed to me being a mere fetus at 20, and not having really lived very much.

I think Rome falls under the category of big occurrences. However it was one of those things where one particular moment didn't stand out, instead it was the overall experience that turned out to be an all consuming thing. It didn't feel big or serious at the time. I was merely living in the moment, especially those times we justhadtopeethisverysecond and peed outside... But looking back at the situation, that was it (well maybe not the drunken public urination). Simply living our daily lives was the big event in Rome.

The drunken walks stumbles home from Campo de Fiore, walking through the meandering alleys on the way to school, climbing the 5 flights of stairs(!!!), nearly getting taken at Mood (where American girls go to die or a brothel...not sure we got our free shots and ran out, hence why I'm still alive),, the Real Worldesque moment of walking in on someone naked and in the middle of sexytimes; all of these things seemed small and insignificant in the present, but they ended up making the experience (even in the constantly hungover state).

We were all just living. Even the mundane task of grocery shopping is now an event to me in hindsight. Maybe I'm putting Rome on a pedestal and maybe it wasn't the OMGAMAZING thing that I'm making it out to be (IT WAS), but it definitely changed me. It changed me in all the little ways that I didn't realize until someone pointed it out for me. Then again I don't notice very much, like when Alex dyed her hair orange by accident and I didn't notice til 2 days in since she started crying and saying "ORAAAANGE", and then I finally got it.

Rome and its affect (yes that's the right one) on me is kind of like that minus no melodramatic crying over hair color. Orange is my favorite color by the way, which I tried to tell Alex, but she couldn't hear me over her own wailing.

A year later and I've finally grasped the lessons from Rome; I can drink way more than I expected and chug beer well enough to earn a t-shirt. And I'm not as dependent or needy as I thought. That I can go somewhere completely foreign and adjust quickly. And other lessons of the sort, drinking and otherwise.